


Dying To Live (A Recovery Road One Shot)

by MissMinaMinx



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abuse, Animal Therapy, Anxiety, Cutting, Domestic Violence, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Pills, Rape, Razors, Recovery, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, learning to love yourself, massage therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-01 07:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12151221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMinaMinx/pseuds/MissMinaMinx
Summary: The worst part of drowning is watching everyone else swim.





	Dying To Live (A Recovery Road One Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide is a very sensitive topic to me. I attempted suicide by hanging when I was about 12. If you get as easily triggered as I do, don't read this. Please take care of yourself. I love you. XOXO -Minx

I was only 8 when I learned what my dad did to my mother. Why I grew up in a shelter and was then given to my grandfather. It's because my dad mistreated my mother, and she wasn't mentally stable enough to raise me. I vaguely remember it, I swept it aside because I didn't know how to handle it. 

I was 10 when I learned about sex. I learned a lot, how babies were made, how males and females are different, I learned about diseases, I thought I had been taught about everything I needed to know. But there was one thing Grandpa didn't teach me about. When I got older someone else would. 

I was 12 when I told Grandpa I was gay. He was quiet for a little, but then told me he knew. I was a little confused. But whatever. He accepted me. 

I was 15 when I got a boyfriend, he seemed nice, very kind and respectful. He was a skater too, and a good one. He treated me very good. He acted like my perfect other half. I was lonely and desperate for someone to love me, I didn't see the signs. 

I was 15 the first time he hit me. That hit knocked some sense into me, showed me that my relationship was unhealthy. I was scared. I knew I couldn't get away from him. He'd chase me. I never looked him in the eyes unless he told me to after that. 

I was 16 when he raped me the very first time. I was a naivë virgin. It hurt so bad but I didn't dare say no. Soon he spread me open nearly every night. I was just a plaything, a toy for him to use and abuse and discard when he was done. He never used a condom. Said it was to "Show how much he loved me" I no longer felt like a living being. 

I was 16 when I first picked up a razor blade and put it to my skin. I enjoyed the searing pain. I loved the way the blood dripped down my white flesh, the floor being stained with the red of my lost innocence. Viktor and his husband never noticed. 

I was 17 when I met Otabek Altin. He was calm, kind and offered to buy me coffee. I was afraid it was poisoned with some drug. At this point I didn't trust any men of any kind. But he gave me his number. I knew my boyfriend would never let me make the call. Otabek still stayed in contact with me.

I was 17 when I first thought about suicide. I felt like that was the best option. They say in heaven, God won't let anyone hurt you. I was desperate for a safe place other than my cat. I started planning my death that night. 

I was 17 when Otabek found me, passed out in my bathtub after swallowing a bottle of pills. He was crying. Someone cried over me. He was screaming, praying for me to be alive. He was there with me in the hospital. He'd rub me all over until I was completely relaxed. He had my friends all show how much they loved me. 

I was 18 when a man said he loved me and meant it. He held me. He kissed me. He sang to me. He complimented me. He made me laugh. I made him smile. He made me stop cutting. He touched every broken part of me and fixed it. He stiched my heart back together. 

I was 18 when I finally felt safe. I was happy. I was in therapy. Otabek and I were as happy as we could get. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: 21-Century-Psyco


End file.
